I'm Full When?

"Satiety (sa-TIE-e-tee) is that wonderful pleasant feeling of fullness you get when you eat, when you're no longer hungry, but aren't overly stuffed or uncomfortable.  You're just satisfied beyond desire." 

-Becky Han

I've really never known the feeling of being "full."

Being satisfied when having a meal or snack just never came to mind. I was full when my plate was empty and I could go back for more.  And, after leaping past the moment of fullness, I'd eat "one more bite" because my mind hadn't kept up with the rest of me and my need for satisfaction. 

Being satisfied was eating what I wanted when I wanted it. And, look where it got me. I am 5' 1-1/2" tall and was 285 pounds.  There. I said it. Two Hundred Eight-Five Pounds.

Damn.

I had lost and gained and lost and gained so much throughout the years. But I was never satisfied. Nor was I ever truly happy.

Being full was never a "wonderful pleasant feeling of fullness" for me. It was a feeling of fleeting satisfaction followed by discomfort and shame for having overate - again.

What will full or satisfied feel like now? I don't want to stretch my smaller stomach and using visual cues to stop eating never worked for me in the past! So, I went to the support boards and Facebook pages for info. Seems that folks have different triggers to let them know they were full. Gurgling stomach, gas, a runny nose (I'm not making that up).

How will I ever know I am satisfied? 

So there I was, at dinner, taking a bite of my jello and my nose began to run. I took another bite, not really thinking about it and my stomach started to gurgle.

And, I stopped.

And, I realized - I'm satisfied! I'm not overly full. I'm not uncomfortable. I'm satisfied!

And, it did make me truly happy.

PS: As of this morning - I have lost 19.1 pounds!  In one week.