Learning Something New

"One sure-fire way to stay Creative: force yourself to learn something new."
-Harvey Mackay

My new ukulele. Isn't she pretty?

And, she is so much fun!

I have issues with my left hand. I have had spinal fusion surgery to help repair some vertebrae that were pinching some nerves. Unfortunately, it didn't repair my hand completely, so it was left weak and on fire all the time because it lacks circulation. I know... good times.

I do some squeeze ball exercises to help my hand and sometimes sleep with a brace to help relax it. It still hurts.

My wonderful, creative friend has taken up playing the ukulele and shared how to play a few chords with me. It was so stinking fun! I loved it. My daughter has a ukulele and I hear her playing it all the time. She also has two guitars and a cello, but the uke is so small and easy to grab. It's just cute.

She didn't really let me play on her uke very often. So, I got on Amazon and purchase a uke of my own.  Oh my gosh!

My hand hurts if I play too long, but it is so much fun learning new songs that I don't really mind it too much. Trying to remember the chords takes practice - but hey, what doesn't take practice?

I wanted to find a way to be creative. This is one wonderful way to do so. I am so grateful to my friend for insisting that I try his ukulele and teaching me those first few chords.

I'm not necessarily saying that my weight loss helped me make the decision to purchase and learn to play a ukulele, but it certainly made the action come much more quickly. I don't know if I would have been "brave" enough to jump in to something new in this way if I am not more open to new experiences with this journey.

Either way - Learning something new is exhilarating! Just wait for my first performance on Ulleli, my Ukulele!

I know. I'm a dork and named my uke!

Fear and Limits

"Never say never, because limits, like fear, are often an illusion."
- Michael Jordan

Do I fear my limitations or do limits cause my fear?

When I was 75 pounds heavier I knew my motion was limited. I knew I had to baby my knee. I knew I fell often because I couldn't stabilize my legs. I couldn't cross my legs, couldn't walk more than to the mailbox, couldn't walk without pain.

My main exercise immediately out of surgery - and I mean as soon as I woke up from the anesthesia - was walking. Up and down the hallways I went. Over and over again.  I couldn't do much or go far, but walk I did.

When I got home I was told I had to work up to walking 30 minutes a day. Were they kidding me? I can't even walk for 2 minutes, let alone 30! I thought I would die.

My knees hurt so bad. My legs wobbled under me. But I started by walking around my dining room table. A few times around and I had had enough. And, I walked so slowly...

Last year I went with a friend to see her son play soccer for Summit. If any of you have gone to Summit for a soccer game you know that the field is at the very end of Summit's property. I swear it is all downhill to get there; which of course, means it is completely uphill to get back.

My friend warned me about the walk and distance. I was frightened. I knew my limit and I knew I wouldn't make it with just her description of where I needed to go.  When I went to see him play I actually drove to the field. Now, they don't really allow folks to drive down to the field without permission as there are limited handicapped spaces there. But, I borrowed my folks car with their handicap tag and I drove. My limits and fears had me absolutely certain I couldn't make it there to see him.

As I drove to the field I remember thinking - no way I would have been able to walk down here! Much less walk all the way back. No Way! Never!

I use to think that way about a lot of things. Did you see that yoga pose? No way I can do that! How many squats? No way I can handle that many! I need to move how? Never! Get a grip!

But it was me that needed to get a grip. Yes. I did have limits. And, yes, my fear of my limits kept me from doing many things. Or, was it my perceived limits that caused my fear?

Either way. No more!

I did walk. Around the dining room table. Then I made my way to up the street. Then, down and around the cul de sac around the corner. Then down to the bottom of our hill and back up again. Soon I was at the gym on a treadmill walking for a good 30 - 45 minutes straight. I'm going a couple miles at a time now and working toward a 5K. No limits. No fear.

As I have walked and lost weight my fear of movement has diminished. I don't have to steady myself on my feet every time I stand up from a chair or get out of my car. I don't have to drive around a parking lot to find a closer spot to the door. I'm not having to hold on to a grocery cart to buy two things at the grocery store. And, I can walk all the way down and back up to and from the school's parking lot to the soccer field at Summit.

You can't imagine the thrill I felt when I got back to the car and I wasn't really breathing heavy.

My limits and fears were in my head. Just an illusion that kept me from doing so many things.

I am conquering my fear and limits. One step at a time.

I just got cleared for weight training. I remember seeing a cross-fit boot camp...that sounds like fun!

Never say never.

Being Authentic

"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson


Authenticity.

I find it fascinating that the topic of authenticity among women has been trending a lot more lately. It's been a topic of conversation for a long while now, but it's been everywhere I've looked these past weeks.

Guess it makes sense. Women seem like they have to be something else for everyone else that we forget who we really are. In business, in social settings, in life and in political circles these days.

HRC spoke about this in a Humans of New York Facebook post recently. She had to change her demeanor to protect herself when in law school. Women have learned from a young age they must be smart, but not too smart. Vocal, but not too vocal. And as a commenter mentioned, quiet, but not too quiet. Pretty, but not too pretty.

Where does it stop?

When we are authentic, standing up for ourselves, seeking what we desire, folks see us as bitches, or call us bossy. Doesn't seem fair. When a man does the same, they are seen as strong.

Strong women are seen as villains, divas, princesses. Yet strength is what we have to have day in and day out. No matter the circumstances.

How do you walk this line?

I'm trying so hard to be authentic. I've talked about that before in my blog. Trying to find myself - my true self - through this journey. Shedding this outer layer of protection and exposing this inner layer of truth. But this is a daily lesson I'm finding hard to truly learn and become.

I found out a while ago that a dear one of mine was dealing with so much pain inflicted by another for far too long that I question who my dear one really was. It was hard to understand, hard to fathom, hard to accept. So strong on the outside - out of necessity (?) - but knowing what was happening on the inside was devastating to learn. Especially since we didn't know to help after the fact.

Who was the authentic self? Where was such strength coming from to deal with so much pain? Why allow this to be the norm for so long and loose that authentic self? Why give yourself completely in such a way?

I look at that life as a gift. A lesson for living my life authentically. A reminder to never give so much of yourself, lose yourself, give your power away, hide yourself through life for others.

I am finding who I am.

At 75 pounds lost I am still finding me. My true voice. My true purpose. Finding enjoyment in each day. Matching my outer expression with inner experience. Being true to myself. Not hiding anymore.

Live each day authentically and all is well.