Somethings Just Don't Change

"There is a thin line between confidence and arrogance. It's called humility. Confidence smiles. Arrogance smirks."
- Unknown

Skin is an interesting thing.

I've gained and lost and gained and lost so much weight throughout my life that my skin was flabby to begin with prior to surgery. Being on this weight loss journey has only intensified the flabbiness. As most people know when you lose weight quickly (like 50 pounds in 2.5 months) your skin doesn't have time to snap back in to place, as it were. It pretty much just swings there - especially under your arms.

I'm just going to say it. It's not pretty. Not by a long shot.

I've never been vain. I was always told that I had a pretty face. "What pretty eyes." "What great hair." "What a lovely smile." "Gee, you'd be really hot if you lost some weight!"

Yeah? Bite me.

No matter how pretty people think you are, you can't be vain when you're reminded of your size all the time.

I know I project a sense of confidence. Even if it is an act most of the time rather than real. And, I never let my weight stop me from doing what I wanted to do. That is, until my weight kept me from doing the things I wanted to do because it was physically difficult to do them. But, never because of my size when I physically could. And, I didn't feel odd about being a larger woman riding a bike or hiking a trail.

But, now? I began to feel rather self-conscious of my flappy arms. It's summer and it's hot and I want to wear a tank top or a swim suit. Yikes! How in the world will I make that happen with these flaps of skin hanging from my upper arms? Ugh! What will people say?

Then, the thought hit me: Why do I feel the need to please others by covering up my arms - or my flabby legs for that matter? It use to bother me when people would give me those negative compliments. But screw 'em! I don't have to please anyone. I don't need their approval!

As I have said before, this surgery was for me. So, these flappy arms? Well, they are for me too.

I realized that these flabby things signify weight loss success. A testament to all the work I have put in these past few months.

I know that's a goofy way to look at it, but just go with me for a minute.

I haven't met my goal weight yet. I have another 50 pounds or more to go. These arms are going to get flabbier before they get better. No amount of arm exercises is going to fix this. But, they are a reminder of where I came from and where I'm going.

So, if I'm in it for me, you may just see me around town with a tank top. People may stare and make jokes at my expense. Laugh away.

I know where I've been. I know where I'm headed. And, no amount of loose skin will get in my way of feeling really good about myself right now.

Ok, maybe the tank tops won't happen - I've never really felt that comfortable in a tank top, but no matter. I still feel good about my effort.

I've always been humble and will continue to be. But...I've got to be honest, as soon as my weight is where I want it to be I'm going to look in to surgery.  I may not ever be truly vain, but Carmen 2.0 just may be a little when it's all said and done! It certainly won't have flappy arms!

And, that confidence? Let's just say I will always have a smile!

Love Myself
Hailee Steinfeld

Life is Happening Now

"Hope and Realism are not mutually exclusive."
- Carmen

If there is one thing that Tish taught us through her journey is to not wait for tomorrow. You want to do something - do it now!

My lovely Tish had so much hope that she would beat her cancer that she would say - "I can't wait until we can take a family vacation." "One day, when I get better, we will go skydiving." "I really want my Harry Potter wand."

Unfortunately, all those things on her bucket list remained on her bucket list. She waited to get better and that day didn't come.

We didn't help much. We didn't want to diminish her hope and so, we didn't act in a more realistic manner. We knew the truth. At least I knew the truth. My sister's days were numbered. This cancer wasn't one she would be able to beat. We had thought she had more time...but. We thought we were being good sisters.  Instead, she continued to work, continued to take her days as she always had, made lunches, baked cakes, planted her garden, cooked dinner, walked the dogs, laundry - the day-to-day, mundane things we all do.

Tish was always my back-up with my daughter. Tish was where my daughter wanted to go in case anything ever happened to me. When Tish was diagnosed I knew I had to do something about my weight and health issues. Her cancer was my wake up call. Waiting to start a new diet tomorrow wasn't going to work. This was realism knocking me over the head and telling me to do something - NOW!

Surgery came at just the right time for me. Do I wish I had had surgery earlier in my life? Sure. But, it came at the right time for me now. I began to get healthier. Diabetes in control. Hunger under control. Blood pressure under control. My sister's cancer - not so much. And, still we kept feeding her hope.

Regret is a horrible feeling.

I heard this from other friends during a girl's brunch recently. Family and friends have passed away and in each case they talked about how living was to be done now. Don't wait to do things you want to do. Life is too short.

No more for us! I want to take my daughter to Mexico. We're going. I want to take my daughter to the beach. We're going. New York? You bet. I might have to sell a limb to pay to go to these places, but damned if I won't try to make it happen.

No more tomorrow. Be happy and real now.

Tomorrow is not guaranteed. We have one life.

We can be hopeful about the future, but let's be realistic and make today count.

One Life
James Morrison

New Strength and New Clothes

"Things are looking up
I know beyond the dark the sun is rising
Things are looking up
Love is still the answer I'm relying 
On"

- Jason Mraz 

Things haven't been the sunniest around here. There were a lot of sad, dark, and sorrowful days the last week after my sister passed away. It was difficult to see the sun through the clouds.

Ironically, I found a lot of little victories throughout this time too. Things I'm sure my sister is smiling about and cheering me on. She always told me how proud she was of me.

I didn't have anything that fit to wear for my sister's funeral mass. So, I went to the store with my mom.

My mom is a tiny thing in stature. She's under 5 feet and shops in the regular section of the store. When we arrived we headed there first. As she was trying on a top I looked around, killing time. I could have sworn that my sister, Tish, was telling me to check out a dress in the "normal" section. An XL dress. It was lovely really. I kept telling my sister to shut up. Even in heaven she can be a little shit-disturber.

I grabbed the dress and went to the dressing room. Damnit if she wasn't right! The dress fit! An XL dress from the ladies' department.

Not the Plus section. Not the Women's Section.

The Regular section!!!

And, it looked good. My sister was right. I love my sister.

With every passing day I feel renewed.  I bought some new shorts the following day. Size 18.  I use to be a 28!  Are you kidding me? I haven't been an 18 since college - or was it high school? Just say it has been a very long time!

My brother-in-law gave me two of my sister's skirts. XL both of them. I took them politely thinking it would be a little time before I would wear them. But, nope. They fit. I love my sister. I love that I have something of her's to wear. And, wear them now!

I made room for the new clothes and decided to clean out my closet. I took out clothes that I have had for so long that I can't even remember when I bought them. Two huge bags to donate now.

It seems like I closed my eyes and things happened around me. My sister. My weight. My size.

With each new day comes new strength. And, apparently, new clothes. Things are definitely looking up. Thanks for the strength, Tishy.

50 pounds down.
From a size 28 to an 18.
From a 3X to an XL.
In 2.5 months!

Oh, and PS: I crossed my legs! It's the little things.

All is well, Tish. Love you.


3 Things
Jason Mraz

What Now?

"A great soul serves everyone all the time. A great soul never dies. It brings us together again and again."  

- Maya Angelo

We're coming up on my sister's funeral mass this Friday.  All the arrangements have been made. I've written the obituary. We've picked out the readings and Gospel. I've written her eulogy. I helped pick out some upbeat songs. We helped pick out my sister's urn. We'll be having a luncheon after mass with all our family and friends. 

And, I can't help but think... What's next? Where do we go from here?

Tish has been on our minds and hearts and the center of our attention for so long - doctor appointments, treatments, trials, scans, meds. Then finally comfort, quiet, peace.

I'm not sure where to go from here. I know her husband and sons feel the same. Although I know her husband is more at peace now.  Or is that just numbness?

He's been fighting this battle with her since September. Day and night. Night and Day. Every waking moment and within his dreams. How do you stop? 

People tell us that Tish is in a "much better place" - which seems so shitty really. I want her "better place" to be with us. Or they say, she's your angel now. Well, she was always an angel, so telling me she's our angel now doesn't really help. I know they mean well. I never knew what to say to those that survived a loss. She's at peace. She feels no pain. She's with all those that have gone before us. Just say the truth...you're going to miss her terribly. You're going to think of her everyday, but it will get better.

Yeah, but she's not here with us, is she? She's not here calling my daughter "cutie" or saying goofy movie quotes, or clapping her hands saying "Hercules, Hercules!" Or running to the store to buy something to make for dinner and inviting us over.

Tish was the one to bring everyone together. Pre-Thanksgiving dinners, Christmas cookies, birthday cakes, flag football. Or at the office with food days, ice cream runs, Christmas songs. That was her gift. Bringing everyone together. Making everyone feel comfortable. And, she's still giving. 

We are coming together nightly to say a rosary and eat and laugh and talk and ... well, just be together. 

Not thinking of organ donations because of the cancer, we were so wonderfully surprised that her eyes were able to help others see. Isn't that wonderful? She just keeps giving.

Her husband and I were driving back from meeting with the priest about the funeral mass yesterday. It's overcast and looked like rain, but in the distance we could see sun. As we drove he said the weather was how he was feeling. We have passed through the storm and were going in to the sun. 

I guess I'm just not there yet. 

Each day brings me closer. But I haven't gotten to see the sun. I'm ready to bask in that sun and keep going and living as Tish would do. 

Her spirit, her laughter, her love of life, her generosity, her smile. It's with us. Surrounds us. Wraps us in her light. Bring us together again and again.

Perhaps the sun is coming as we move forward day by day.  Step by step.

I love you Tishy. Keep us strong. Keep us smiling. TQMM

Here Comes the Sun

George Harrison

Selfish or Selfless

"You can love someone so much, but you can never love people so much as you can miss them."
- John Green

I love my sister.

It is so selfish of me to want her to stay with us - especially with all the pain she is experiencing.

It is so selfish to want to be with her 24/7 now when her boys are here, our parents and siblings are here, and her friends that hold Tish in their hearts and want to have time with her are here as well.

I have been spending the night with Tish since she was admitted in the hospital and now while she is at home. That's not selfless. That's love.

She is now in hospice. I'm reading through the information they provided and it's gut wrenching. Not that we don't know all the information already, not that we didn't already know the outcome, but that we know exactly what is happening, when it is happening, and why it is happening.

Sleep. What sleep?

Food. What food?

Right now the only thing on my mind and heart is my sister. Her final battle with Cholangiocarcinoma.

Her strength. The strongest always goes first to pave the way for the rest of us.

Her laughter. My daughter would always say - I heard Tishy in the audience - when she would perform because my sister dearly loves to laugh.

And, have fun.

And, bake.

And, spread love to everyone around her.

She's always been the life of the party. I just know when it's my turn she will be in heaven waiting with a smile on her face, a drink in her hand and probably baking some scrumptious pastry tempting me to eat carbs again.

I am going to miss my sister.

Her belly laugh. Her sparkling eyes. Her big smile. Her goofy wit.

She will leave an enormous space in my heart that will take time to fill.

But she will also leave her strength and huge capacity for love. That will fill my heart forever.

Her spirit will live on in each of us who she touched.

It will be the most difficult thing in the world, but I'll be ready when she's ready.

Until then, I will remain selfish and selfless taking care of my sister. Making sure her medication is on time. Sleeping by her side and holding her hand. Singing her songs as she sleeps.

My heart hurts. I miss her already.

Blackbird by The Beatles

Miss Independent

"One of the scariest moments in life, is when you come to the realization that the only person that can save you is yourself."
- Demi Lovato

I've always prided myself on being an independent woman. Never felt I needed a partner to "rescue" me or "complete" me. I can do things myself, thank you very much.

I've also prided myself on being stubborn. I equated it with being independent. That was silly.

This "I can do it myself" thing took over my life at a young age. When I was asked by a New York director to move to NYC for theater, I blindly jumped. Had $1000 in my pocket, a car full of stuff, quit school my junior year in college and I took off. No real plan. No place to live. I just knew that my director friend was there and I would start my career in theater.

Until he wasn't there because he left for Japan to direct a musical for 5 months.

Great.

No worries. I can do this myself! So, I found a place to live. And, I found my way around. And, I scheduled auditions. See. I am an independent woman. I don't need to be rescued.

And, men, in my stubborn, independent mind, just held me back. No time for relationships. The few I had always seemed jealous of the time I spent acting or singing or doing whatever I had to do to get to where I thought I was heading. Why would they like me anyway? I'm fat. I'm independent. I'm stubborn.

Fine. I can do this myself.

Until, I realized instead of facing things, I had just been running away from them. You want me to lose 20 pounds for a role? Oh yea - I'll show you! I'll gain 30 instead. You should hire me for my talent, not my look. You like me why? There must be something wrong with you, I'm better off alone.

Self sabotage. Running away. I got good at it.

Fast forward many years later. I'm back in St. Louis. I have a daughter on my own. And, I was still being stubborn. But with each passing year I was slowing down, looking over my shoulder to see if anyone would catch up and save me.

Why was no one coming to save me? And, in my heart of hearts I just want to stop running.

I have convinced everyone for so long that I am independent and stubborn and I don't need anyone to help me. I don't need to be rescued. And through the years I have built a nice thick layer of fat around my body, like a cocoon, to protect me from anyone catching me. They've gotten use to this version of me anyway. And, I had too. I convinced myself too - It was a role that I felt fit.

Perhaps I am a good actor after all. That, and a hundred extra pounds, got me to a stand still.

It's good that I have stopped running. It's been exhausting.

I don't need anyone to rescue me, but me. And, I have finally come to realize that my independence is a good thing (I question the stubborn stuff).

I am rescuing myself. No more running. No more damsel in distress feeling.

And, perhaps with time I will lower my guard and allow others to come to help me too. Not do it for me as all Princes and Knights are said to do in fairytales. But walk this path with me as I continue this journey.

This is a scary moment. I am saving myself. And, in the process, opening myself up to so many other possibilities.

Feeling Great and Feeling Guilt

"Pisces are prone to feeling guilty for things that may not even be in their control."
- Unknown

The feeling of guilt is horrible. And, I feel guilty.

I know it doesn't make sense. I'm not a rational person. I'm a Pisces, after all. We're never really rational.

We're compassionate. We're devoted. We're imaginative. But, we're also self-pitying, oversensitive, and feel the pain of others.

I am loving my weight loss and the strides I'm making, don't get me wrong. But, it's hard to not feel guilty of my success knowing my sister is fighting a life-threatening disease.

My sister just got back from Colorado where she was entered in to a new clinical trial. Her type of cancer is so rare that it was the only trial available. There were only 4 spaces left when she called. Luckily, she's in. So, I'm happy she is getting treatment - any treatment - that can potentially extend her time with us.

I jump on the scale and I see weight being lost. I put on smaller shorts and happy they fit. I am happy for my progress. But then I hear from my sister how she is having 10 pounds of fluids extracted from her body and she is being given a higher dose of pain medication. How can I be happy for my success when her's is so much more important. My journey is minute in comparison to her struggle.

I see my sister in pain. I hate it.

I see my sister in torment with thoughts of this cancer. I loathe it.

I see her family in turmoil. I can't fix it.

I feel guilty for becoming healthier - and I know it doesn't have anything to do with her journey. It doesn't make sense. But, I can't help it. I'm the oldest. I should be taking care of her.

It's one of those - why her and not me? questions. Why her, period?

But, no one knows the journey we are to take in our lives. Every person's is different. We just take it one day at a time. One moment at a time. Living in the present has never been more important to me, to us, to our family than it is now.

Questioning doesn't really help, does it? Whether I am feeling great or feeling guilty.

So, I'm happy for my progress. I'm happy that my sister is getting treatment. And, I'm happy we are spending time together - now.

I already have enough weight to crush me. I can't allow guilt to do the same. For however much guilt I feel.

I love my sister.

Let's Dance

"Find fitness in fun dancing. It is fun and makes you forget about the dreaded exercise."
- Paula Abdul

I use to dance as often as I could. I made a decent partner - dancing to blues, tropicales, merenge - didn't matter. I loved it!

I would also dance all by myself in clubs given the chance. I did Jazzercize for a time as exercise too. Just moving to music was so freeing and fun.

But, as I got bigger and my knees got tired of carrying all the weight on my body, I stopped. At one point I blew out my knee dancing and I felt my dancing days were over.

The weight piled on and I sat more than moved. And the weight piled on even more. I sat for years...and years...and years.

All those years - I missed dancing. Of course, I didn't do anything about it. And, chair dancing? I gave up. My knees had surgery and I really stopped moving. Of course, that was more of an excuse than a reason, but that was my story and I stuck to it.

So now I have dropped some weight and am back to moving. My knees are getting use to walking and bending. My bad knee still has its moments of pain, but I can get through it pretty well.

A few weeks ago good friends gave me their Xbox. I hooked it up. Another good friend let me borrow their dancing game. I put it in. I love my friends for their generosity and love! I love to dance!

I don't necessarily get through a full song, but darn if I don't try! I just adore closing my eyes and moving, swaying, raising my arms in time to the music. Freeing my mind and getting in to the music like I use to. And, my body is loving it too.

I look forward to the times I can put in the dance games and move.

I also walk to music too. The beat keeps me going, and going. I have to be careful because I find I sometime close my eyes to get in to the music and I'm still walking. It's infectious.

All those years wasted sitting still. All those years wasted stuffing my face and being immobile. Making excuses. Not dancing. Not moving.

No more! I may stumble on sometimes, but I keep going now. No more sitting still.

Gosh, I love to dance! It's become more than exercise. What a wonderful freeing feeling again.

Won't you join me?

In the words of Justin Timberlake:
I can't stop this feeling,
So keep dancing!

Cleaning Closets

"Eliminate the unnecessary."
-Unknown

My mom and I took my daughter shopping for a new dress. She has a recital and my mom wants to be sure she is dressed nicely. We all went to my mom's favorite store, Kohl's. This use to be my daughter's playground when my mom watched her when she was little. My mom loves this place.

Me? Not so much. I could never find anything that fit there. The Women's section was full of large sized clothes, but never big enough for me. So, I never went there unless we were looking for my daughter's clothes.

So, there we were. Going through a ton of clothes looking for that one great dress.

As we were heading to the dressing room and passing the Women's section I grabbed a pair of size 22 shorts. You know. Just for grins.  I had a pair of size 22 shorts for whatever reason in my drawer and they fit, so why not try on a new pair.

My daughter and I got in to the same dressing room so I could see the dresses as she tried them on. Lovely. Beautiful. Like it, but wrong color. We were finishing up and I remembered the shorts.

I put them on.

They were too big!

Are you flipping kidding? I went to get a size 20.

And they fit!

I haven't been in a size 20 since I was 30 years old! No, seriously! I haven't seen that number in such a long time.

I couldn't believe it.

My old clothes don't fit me anymore. They are too large and fall off me. I decided to eliminate the unnecessary - both in clothes and attitude.

I am going through my closet and drawers with a new sense of pride to remove all the larger clothing that had defined me in one way or another in the past. Clothes that were too tight, uncomfortable and ill-fitting. Some were downright embarrassing. Although I tried to dress as "hip" or "trendy" as possible, I still felt like I was dressing a moose. Unfortunately, that moose was me.

But, now? I have gone from a size 28 to a size 20 in seven weeks. It's unreal.

I'm beginning to shed old layers of me through this transition. Smaller clothes is just an example of how this transition is changing me for the better. A reminder that this is truly working. An outward example of the hard work and dedication I'm putting in to my new me. Carmen 2.0.

It is a testament to the calories, chews and ounces of water counted. The time spent shopping for the necessary foods to continue to make progress. The dedication of steps taken each day to allow my body to move, stretch and strengthen. A testament to this tool, this surgery and this decision.

I know it was the right one. And, my new, size 20 shorts are just one more reminder that I am on the right path.

Experimenting with Food

"What you eat today will impact how you live tomorrow."
- Unknown

I believe I have mentioned once or twice how much I enjoy food. Didn't get to be my size not liking food, so there's that.

I was bummed with the thought of never having pasta again. No carbs. Ugh.

Having to measure and weigh and watch what I eat dampened my spirits on food - for a while. But, now, not so much.

I was introduced to an array of food choices at Lucky's Market here in St. Louis. A wonderful, joyous place. Yes, there is Whole Foods and Trader Joe's, but Lucky's has a nice, cozy homespun feeling I enjoyed when I walked in. I found so many options there.

Take the Organic Soybean Spaghetti. You heard me. Soybean Spaghetti. Oh. My. Goodness!

What an amazing product.

A little sautéed onion, garlic, mushrooms and shrimp; sprinkle some parmesan cheese. Lordy. It was tasty. Packed with protein and, not one carb in site!

I'm actually enjoying coming up with new combinations of foods to try and recipes to tackle. Especially now that my food choices are much more expansive than protein shakes and oatmeal...eek!

My lovely niece bought me a Paleo magazine chock full of ideas I'm going to try. My daughter already got in to the avocado with egg breakfast! Yum! And, lunch today? Avocado and chicken lettuce wraps! Can hardly wait.

I guess what I have learned the most these last couple of days is that food doesn't have to be boring when you are eating healthy (my sister is probably slapping her forehead right now with a "what have I been saying?" kind of expression on her face). It took surgery to make me realize this phenomenon. But at least I got there!

And, what I love most about my new appreciation of flavorful, healthy food is that my daughter is recognizing it too. I hope I can help her see how what she eats today will impact her tomorrow as well.

It certainly has been a tough lesson for me to understand ... until now.

But at least I got there!

Next? We're trying cauliflower rice! Can't wait!

Start of Week 7

"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit."
- Aristotle

I'm entering in to my 7th week since surgery. Amazing what 49 days can do.

New habits. New outlooks. New realities.

It's only 49 days. A month and a half. Seven weeks.

In these 49 days since my surgery my emotions have been everywhere, but my eating habits have been wonderful.

In these 49 days I have learned to move more, and enjoy it.

I have learned to savor salmon and tilapia.

I've stopped taking diabetes insulin and blood pressure meds.

Dropped three sizes (from a 28 to a 22).

Dropped 38 pounds.

Amazing.

Experts say that is takes 21 days to break a habit or start a new one. It took me twice as long, but I'm catching on. Slowly but surely.

It has taken this time to really get my eating down to a science. I prepare my meals and take my time to enjoy them. I prepare my cupboards so I'm never without the tools necessary for success. That's never happened before. Of course, it is necessary now for a myriad of reasons (nausea, dumping, sickness, etc) but it has worked as a tool to slow me down and build this new reality in to a habit.

When I tell people how long it has been since surgery they usually answer, "already?" Yes. Already. Time feels both fleeting and slow. These life changes were hard to come by. It took surgery for me to finally begin to conquer them.

And, really conquer isn't the right term. Because I will never really conquer my weight loss. This surgery is a mere tool. But, I'm going to have to work on it day in and day out. Making it a habit helps tackle that daily struggle, but I have to be sure that I don't slip back to old habits.

I'm not seeking excellence. I'm seeking a new way of living. A new way of eating. A new relationship with food that always had been one-sided for me. And food always won.

But no more.

To paraphrase Count von Count, I say, "AH, AH, AH! Seven! Seven is the number for new habits!"

It Is What It Is

"Sometimes your heart needs more time to accept what your mind already knows."
- Unknown

For a few days I've been really wondering what led me to this decision. This surgery. This time.

I've been overweight for a while now and weight loss surgery has been around a while now, so why...now, now?

Of course, I have answers at the ready when someone asks. "To be healthier." "To break from my addiction." "To add a few years to my old-self." "Want to like what I see in my reflection."

And, those are all true. But they're not all true at the same time. I know, confusing.

But do I really need a reason? Do I have to put words to my decision right now?

Seems like my reasons ebb and flow with each day. Each moment brings about a new reason why this decision, this surgery came at this time. Each day brings about new rewards for having made this decision too.  So, I guess it doesn't really matter why.

It just is what it is.

Why question?

Why wonder?

Why answer?

I'm living my life right now with this surgery. My past is my past. And, no matter if the weight loss surgery would have been available to me through my insurance, I had won the lotto, or what ever means to have surgery in the past, the truth is, it's happening now. In this moment.

My past doesn't matter why. What matters is what's happening now. Because...

It is what it is. Let's move on.

Half Full

"Of course I look at the glass half full. The only time I would look at it half empty is when I think of how good the first half tasted."
- Drew Deyoung

I can't help myself. I'm a half full kinda gal. Always have been. Always will be.

Don't get me wrong. I have my days when I have to refill my glass, but overall....I'm good.

However, I have been quite down lately. If you have read past posts you know my sister is going through a huge fight with cancer. I'm trying to remain half full. I'm trying so hard to remain positive.

Positive is different than strong. It takes strength to be positive, for sure, but it's different. And, that's what I'm having a hard time figuring out.

Positive is having hope. Hope for a welcomed outcome. For a bright tomorrow. See the light and goodness in things, emotions, people, places.

I tend not to dwell on the half empty part of life. I leave the negative feelings and thoughts to others. In fact, I have a dear friend who is the yin to my yang.

She always says she's half empty. She keeps me real. She helps keep me balanced. I hate that she's half empty, but love her for it at the same time.

It's hard to see that realism and hope can be a positive mixture. That they are not mutually exclusive. That by looking at both the full and empty parts of your glass you are facing truth.

And, realism is what you need sometimes. Be real. Be in the moment. Be truthful. Remain hopeful, positive through it all.

And, think of how good that half full glass tastes.