Fear and Gratitude and Badassery

"Gratitude is alchemy. It changes powerlessness, fear, and resentment into grace, determination, and unrelenting badassery."

~ Unknown

This past year and a half for me have been about "No Fear!"  Not so much about "bravery," but No Fear! 

No fear to change. No fear to exercise. No fear to health. No fear to love. No fear to audition. No fear to perform. 

No fear.

The other day, something interesting happened. I belong to Deborah LeeAnn's Leadership Academy (I can't recommend this program enough - you can check it out here!) and we had a group call where we completed our Character Strengths. This personality survey measures 24 character strengths that fall into six buckets - or Virtues, as they call them: Wisdom,  Courage, Humanity, Justice, Temperance, and Transcendence. And, each bucket is subdivided further to reveal traits such as bravery, creativity, appreciation for beauty, humor, perseverance, perspective, leadership.

So I took the survey and it was revealed that my #1 Character Strength is Gratitude...

If Gratitude is your top strength you are aware of the good things that happen to you, and you never take them for granted. Your friends and family members know that you are a grateful person because you always take the time to express thanks.

I thought - that's kinda lame.  I didn't need to take a survey to know that!

Guess I wasn't displaying gratitude well, was I?

Then I started digging a little deeper.  Gratitude is part of the "Transcendence" virtue according to VIA Institute on Character that hosts the survey.

Transcendence
Gratitude falls under the virtue category of Transcendence. Transcendence describes strengths that provide a broad sense of connection to something higher in meaning and purpose than ourselves.

Higher in meaning and purpose than ourselves... hmmm. A broad sense of connection.  Now that I liked. But it still seemed that I was missing the bigger picture. 


I do feel an overwhelming sense of Gratitude. 

Grateful for so many, many things in my life. For so many people in my life. Grateful for life experiences. Moments. Situations. A new outlook on life. 

It was all these things wrapped up in a stream of such abundance that made me see how it was being grateful that allowed me to remove the fear I had felt before. The stifling fear of simply being was gone. 

You can't feel fear when you feel gratitude. There is no room for fear for your heart is always full of appreciation, determination. 

When you feel gratitude it fills your heart with hope. Peace. A calmness that fear cannot dimish. A determination that cannot be dimmed, allowing you to exceed your usual limits... transcendent. 

I heard it said once that practicing gratitude is an art that can provide you with a feeling of "greatness." But not an ego-filled greatness. More of a fullness to everything that is possible. 

Fear cannot live where there is possibility and possibility is everywhere there is gratitude. 

I do practice gratitude. I start every morning with simple meditation. I meditate on what I am grateful for, or what I want to be grateful for that day or that moment or in the future. I'm always grateful for my family. So I meditate on my family being happy, healthy, fulfilled.

A new friend of mine lives this more than anyone I have ever met. He is grateful for and celebrates good things in his life before they even happen. That's a skill - a way of being - that I aspire to and he is a wonderful example for me to learn from.  I am grateful for him. 

I am continuing to learn that I have the power. The power of change. The power of transcendence. The power of being fulfilled. The power of gratitude. And, there is no room for fear. Only grace, determination and unrelenting badassery!

What are you grateful for? 

No, really... I'd love to know. Comment. Let's show gratitude and be badass together.

I'm so grateful for you!

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Carmen Garcia writes about stuff... life as a single mother, dating, weight loss, performing, and other random experiences. Sometimes it makes sense. Other times, not so much. You decide.

Alabanza | Praise to This

"Paciencia y Fe. Patience and Faith."

~ Abuela Claudia

In the Heights

This weekend was the final performances for "In The Heights." The last time on this "street corner." The last time on my bench. The last time on this set. The last time to meld voices with such fabulous performers.

Wowza!

What a transformative experience! How thankful I am to have been a part of something bigger than myself.

Being with R-S Theatrics and bringing "In The Heights" to theatre goers in St. Louis has been a rewarding, thought-provoking, joy-filled, music-filled and a simply amazing adventure. Something the likes of which I have never experienced. The magnitude, I can honestly say, I didn't anticipate.

This is the dream role I never knew I always wanted.

Our brilliant director had such a vision for this role within this musical that I don't believe even the originators knew how great it could be. Moving. Emotional. Powerful. Magic.

Abuela Claudia suddenly became the catalyst to the story. Larger than life, it seems. Especially when you see the portrait the graffiti artist, Bryan Pease, painted of Abuela!

And, I was blessed to be portraying her.

Yet, I began to panic...I couldn't "find" her. I couldn't find Abuela's voice.

We had rehearsals. I sang and recited the lines of the script. Blocking. Continued rehearsals. Where is she? I started to worry that I wouldn't find her voice.

We entered tech week. Finding costumes. Listening to the pit musicians. Where IS she?

This character, the heart of the story - where is she?

I voiced my concern to our director. She told me she wasn't worried. Said she was confident I'd have her when all the elements came together as we hit the stage.

God bless that woman!

My mother has a gold necklace that her mother gave to her. It has the image of the Sacred Heart on it. Many years ago we had my mom's name engraved on the back to make it more her own. She gave me the necklace a couple of years ago and I wore it with pride. When my sister was diagnosed with cancer I took it off in the hospital room and gave it to her as a talisman to carry her through treatment.

My sister passed away. And, the necklace was returned to my mom. It was placed in a drawer.

The main song that Abuela Claudia sings is "Paciencia y Fe," patience and faith. It was with Paciencia y Fe that my grandmother gave it to my mom. I imagine her giving it to my mother as she prepared to leave her home in Puebla, Mexico to move to St. Louis, Missouri with my dad.

It was with Paciencia y Fe that my mom gave it to me when I began to have serious health issues and it was with Paciencia y Fe that I gave it to my sister.

I asked my mom if I could have it back. Figured it would make a great addition to my costume.

The first night I put it on, along with a rosary bracelet my mom likes to wear, everything changed.
Abuela suddenly became every woman I know in my family. My grandmother. My great-aunt. My mother. My sister.

And, I found her. I found Abuela Claudia. I found the giving, caring, nurturing woman that is every one of the women in my family. That, I am sure is every woman in each of our families.

How fortunate am I to have such strong women in my family? How fortunate am I to have played such a loving character? How fortunate to have been given the opportunity to give her a voice! Here, today, now.

I may have put Claudia behind me as we closed the show the past weekend, but the necklace is still around my neck.

As I now reminisce and reflect on the past three weeks I say, "Alabanza!"

Alabanza! I lift this experience up to God's face and sing...

"Praise to THIS!"

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Carmen Garcia writes about stuff... life as a single mother, dating, weight loss, performing, and other random experiences. Sometimes it makes sense. Other times, not so much. You decide.

Being Authentic Ain't Easy

"Being Authentic and In The Moment isn't for the faint of heart!"

~ Carmen 

It takes some cojones to be true to yourSelf (written how my mentor/friend would write it).

I mean really, how often do you encounter people around you expecting you to change for their benefit? For their comfort? For their image and idea of who they believe YOU to be? Or want you to be?

Especially, when you're a woman.

You need to be thin. You need to be pretty. You need to be smart - but not too smart. You need speak up, but don't get bossy. You strive to be equal, but never really are seen that way.

Finding your self-worth, your self-value and embracing it, owning it, living it goes against everything and everyone that surrounds you most of the time. No wonder people call me a force of nature - a hurricane - because I must to be to be seen and heard.

Women have, for the most part, grown to be cautious of how they present themselves to outside forces not realizing they are a force themselves. It's within them.

I've been learning a lot from my friend and mentor through her SHINE Challenge. And, wow, has she tapped something within me and lit it on fire! Teaching me ways to find my unique brilliance and talents and presenting them to the world unapologetically.  I'm learning ways to communicate with more authenticity and not afraid to do so.

She's brilliant! Trust me you should take a look at her work!

In being authentic and unapologetic, I have surrounded myself with other strong women in the last couple of months. Other forces of nature that are helping me to continue to realize my potential and that of my daughter. Because of them, I know we are not alone in being true to ourselves, for they are great examples of being their true-selves too. Brave, creative, fiery, feisty, brilliant women making their mark in the St. Louis theatre scene with gusto. Women of color. Women of integrity. Women of vision. Women I am proud to now call my friends.

They inspire me. They challenge me. They allow me to be my true self around them.

Most importantly, they inspire and challenge my daughter to be her true self as well. That is a gift beyond measure.

One woman, in particular, knew she needed to bring a story to life - a story of diversity, of family and home. She had the audacity, the tenacity, the authenticity to bring this story to life in St. Louis. And, while the story centered around a young brown man in a barrio in New York, it was an old brown woman that was at the heart of their community. An old woman where, although life dictated her path in difficult times, never shied away from who she truly was: loving, nurturing, kind, compassionate. A caretaker. A grandmother. An Abuela. Authentic.

Another is bringing a story to St. Louis of a young Mexican-American girl who finds her bravery, determination, and strength behind a mask as she embraces and learns about her family's heritage - thus discovering her own authenticity.

But no matter which strong woman - my mentor/friend, my new friends, Abuela Claudia, a young Mexican-American girl, my daughter or me - we are each always continuing to break barriers to be authentic and strong. It isn't easy work. But we carry on because we must.

Because we are driven.

We are real.

We are women of substance.

We are a force of nature.

We are authentic.

We are women.

And it isn't for the faint of heart.


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Carmen Garcia writes about stuff... life as a single mother, dating, weight loss, performing, and other random experiences. Sometimes it makes sense. Other times, not so much. You decide.