Half way to 30

"And Tho She Be Little, She Is Fierce."
- Shakespeare

I adore my daughter. She is a mini-me - literally.

She looks like me, acts a lot like me, has similar wit, interests and hair like me. She has an appetite like me. She is also so very gifted - I can't claim that too well. Where I can sing and act, and made a profession of it for a long time, my kid is beyond what I ever could have done or aspired to do.

And, she is growing in to a wonderful young lady. She makes me very proud.

It's was her birthday yesterday. She's 15. Or as she says, she's half way to 30! Yikes! She's closer to 30 than she thinks, the way her mind works.

My mom has told me for the last 14 years that I needed to get healthy for my daughter. Offer the sacrifice of not eating for my daughter. Lose weight for my daughter.

True. My entire life pretty much revolves around my daughter - driving her from one thing to another. Supporting her in all the activities, plays and music she enjoys. Anyone who knows me knows that. But, go through all this just for her seems futile.

This journey is for me. Selfish, I know. But it has to be. It's time I do this just for me.

I have tried to lose weight for other things in the past - theater roles, boyfriends, a fancy dress. These types of goals aren't for me. I'll lose the weight for a while, but it would all come back. Or I'd never lose any, but gain  - just out of spite.

However, saying all that, I hope that my daughter will learn and be proud of my effort. I hope that when she recognizes how hard I am trying through this she learns determination and self-love. I hope she learns self-respect and courage. And see that hard work - at whatever age - can bring about a healthy lifestyle and confidence.

And, I hope she learns that she too should be selfish sometimes. She jokes that her friend group call her the "mom" because they can go to her for advice or support. I hope she learns from what I am doing that she doesn't have to do things for everyone all the time. Because there are times you need to do things by yourself, for yourself. Find that fine line between selfish and self-less. As I have learned from a good friend - find balance, be gentle, kind and supportive of you.

But, I especially hope she doesn't wait until she's closer to 60 to figure that out as I seem to have.

Happy Birthday my lovely. my wish for you is the same for me - all the joy, health and happiness imaginable.