"There is a thin line between confidence and arrogance. It's called humility. Confidence smiles. Arrogance smirks."- Unknown
Skin is an interesting thing.
I've gained and lost and gained and lost so much weight throughout my life that my skin was flabby to begin with prior to surgery. Being on this weight loss journey has only intensified the flabbiness. As most people know when you lose weight quickly (like 50 pounds in 2.5 months) your skin doesn't have time to snap back in to place, as it were. It pretty much just swings there - especially under your arms.
I'm just going to say it. It's not pretty. Not by a long shot.
I've never been vain. I was always told that I had a pretty face. "What pretty eyes." "What great hair." "What a lovely smile." "Gee, you'd be really hot if you lost some weight!"
Yeah? Bite me.
No matter how pretty people think you are, you can't be vain when you're reminded of your size all the time.
I know I project a sense of confidence. Even if it is an act most of the time rather than real. And, I never let my weight stop me from doing what I wanted to do. That is, until my weight kept me from doing the things I wanted to do because it was physically difficult to do them. But, never because of my size when I physically could. And, I didn't feel odd about being a larger woman riding a bike or hiking a trail.
But, now? I began to feel rather self-conscious of my flappy arms. It's summer and it's hot and I want to wear a tank top or a swim suit. Yikes! How in the world will I make that happen with these flaps of skin hanging from my upper arms? Ugh! What will people say?
Then, the thought hit me: Why do I feel the need to please others by covering up my arms - or my flabby legs for that matter? It use to bother me when people would give me those negative compliments. But screw 'em! I don't have to please anyone. I don't need their approval!
As I have said before, this surgery was for me. So, these flappy arms? Well, they are for me too.
I realized that these flabby things signify weight loss success. A testament to all the work I have put in these past few months.
I know that's a goofy way to look at it, but just go with me for a minute.
I haven't met my goal weight yet. I have another 50 pounds or more to go. These arms are going to get flabbier before they get better. No amount of arm exercises is going to fix this. But, they are a reminder of where I came from and where I'm going.
So, if I'm in it for me, you may just see me around town with a tank top. People may stare and make jokes at my expense. Laugh away.
I know where I've been. I know where I'm headed. And, no amount of loose skin will get in my way of feeling really good about myself right now.
Ok, maybe the tank tops won't happen - I've never really felt that comfortable in a tank top, but no matter. I still feel good about my effort.
I've always been humble and will continue to be. But...I've got to be honest, as soon as my weight is where I want it to be I'm going to look in to surgery. I may not ever be truly vain, but Carmen 2.0 just may be a little when it's all said and done! It certainly won't have flappy arms!
And, that confidence? Let's just say I will always have a smile!
Love Myself
Hailee Steinfeld
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