Not Being Heard

"Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person they are almost indistinguishable. "

~ David Augsburger

I am not a fan when I speak and people don't hear me.
I am not a fan when I try so hard to communicate well and cannot form my words. I can't make a complete sentence. Especially when I am in a place of anger, frustration, emotion. And, most especially when I'm speaking with family.

I am not a fan of people that don't listen. Yet, when I can't communicate, how do I expect them to hear me?

I am a communicator. I pride myself on being able to form sentences in such a way as to make others take notice. Yet, when there is subject so close to my heart, so full of emotion, so important to me that my tongue gets twisted I make no sense or allow others to step on what I am staying... well, that's not a good feeling at all.

I can't seem to make a convincing argument. At. All.

I know what I need do.
I know what I need to say.
I know what I want to do, to say.

Yet I do none of it.

And, I allow my emotions to get the better of me.
And, I allow the other person to get the better of me.

I feel discounted.
I feel brushed aside.
I feel disrespected.
I feel vulnerable.
I feel invisible.

And, I cry.

I don't like myself like this.  It's like a small panic or anxiety attack. Especially when it is with a family member. I shut down.

I hate it, actually. And, I'm not a fan of hating myself!

And why? Because I know I am not any of those things!

I know I am smart. I know I am somebody. I know I am a person with deep thoughts, coherent sentences, a clear mind.

So, what do I need to do to make myself clear? To get my point across?

I need to be true to myself. Allow the feelings come over me. Get through them.

And work on my personal communications skills once again.

The good thing about communications - it never really ends. You have a chance to make it right. You have a chance to say something again. You have a chance to clarify your thoughts.

Take a deep breath. Try again.

And, if the other person doesn't want to listen - understand, that's on them.

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Carmen Garcia writes about stuff... life as a single mother, dating, weight loss, performing, and other random experiences. Sometimes it makes sense. Other times, not so much. You decide.