"How do you say goodbye and thank you to amazing experiences? To people, places and times? To moments so overwhelming you can barely breathe sometimes?"
~ Carmen
The major part of the months of July and August were an amazing whirlwind of emotions and triumphs. Of love and loss. Of joy and of pain. Of new beginnings and happy/bittersweet endings.
- My daughter began a new year at a new school making new friends.
- I was privileged to be asked to join R-S Theatrics that is helmed by an amazing woman of character and vision.
- I'm playing the role of a lifetime (Abuela Claudia in In The Heights) in such a way that people are moved and the production and I have been blessed by receiving amazing reviews.
- I am working with talented and giving individuals.
- Made friends.
- Fell in love and lost love.
Weeks that were so packed with such powerful feelings that they would have been better spread throughout a year's time. But, hey - why do things the easy way!?
The range of emotions isn't lost on me. I'm feeling the impact with such force that it's hard for me to breathe sometimes.
What's interesting, however, is I have come to realize that the power really is in my hands. My incredible friend and mentor has taught me to Shine! To come into my own. To find my uniqueness and not let it be tarnished by others! That alone is a powerful feeling. And one I have come to expect of myself and to not back down.
So, I set my intentions, my goals if you will, to have these items come to fruition. And they did - with such overwhelming intensity, it has been difficult to comprehend!
My daughter's happiness is my own. Of course, we would make a move to ensure her happiness. And she is now happy. The happiest I have seen in a long while.
One of my main goals was to return to professional acting - and boy did I do that with gusto! In a marvelous company that sees a bigger picture than ourselves. In fact, the reviews for this production, and having been singled out at times within them, were overwhelming. I'm blessed. Truly.
And, I met a wonderful man.
I set my intention for him and he presented himself so quickly. Looking back I guess I should have made a few of those intentions clearer. More succinct. More direct.
He told me once that I was a hurricane. I'm not sure I like the metaphor with everything happening in Texas right now; however, I understand why he called me that. I have so much swirled around me that the first part of the last bullet point was difficult to maintain. Don't get me wrong - he has some very heavy issues too. But my hurricane status made our meeting that much more powerful. For this man was not ready for the hurricane. He's not really ready for any type of storm - or even a cloudy day right now - for he is going through difficult gray skies of his own...but that's his story to tell.
I'm heartbroken for what could have been, but happy for what was. He gave me a wonderful month of love and acceptance. One month of warmth and a form of praise and attention, I hadn't had in a very, very long time. A rock in a stormy system that was the last few weeks of my life.
A month that felt like a lifetime. Incredible what strong feelings aroused in that short amount of time. I will miss him terribly. And hope he finds his way back to me. But, that may be wishful thinking.
I find solace in the words of my friend and mentor, "If not this, something better." It's hard to imagine "something better" than his love and affection right now. But, endings of one thing are always a new beginning for another. (Someone, please keep reminding me of this...)
I have one more weekend of performances with this wonderful troupe. One more weekend of performances to embody this wonderful character. And, the start of a weekend to move on without a partner. And, that's ok...
Because my heart is filled with so much gratitude for what was and has been an incredible chapter in my life. He helped me find love again. Something I hadn't had in a very long time. And, I know I am capable of love and worthy of love and will love and be loved again.
And, after this weekend, I will start concentrating on me once more. The person me. The healthy me. The woman me. Me.
Time to turn the page.
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In The Heights runs August 18 - September 3 at the .Zack on Locust in the Grand Center Theatre District. Tickets can be purchased here.
Carmen Garcia writes about stuff... life as a single mother, dating, weight loss, performing, and other random experiences. Sometimes it makes sense. Other times, not so much. You decide.
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