Toxic

"Letting toxic people go is not an act of cruelty, it's an act of self-care."
- Unknown

One thing that weight loss and a healthy lifestyle has provided me is that I am much stronger than I have ever been - physically, of course, but mentally as well.

I've never really taken shit from many people, but I have also always been there for the someone in need. There's a fine line there somewhere. I hate giving up on someone that needs help. Especially if there is a good reason, like mental illness or severe depression. Those are the ones that need help the most. How can I possibly not help if they are in such desperate need of support and assistance?  I can be taken advantaged of given the right circumstance. Especially when the person in need is someone that was very close to a dear person of mine. I want to help because of them.

But, what if they refuse help? Or refuse to get help?

I now have a much healthier respect for myself to continue to battle for someone else's stability if they refuse to help themselves.

While I realize that there are very good (and clinical) reasons for a person's behavior, I refuse to let that influence who I am or how I will handle situations. I know that I am only responsible for myself and those that are the dearest to me. And, I can do away with anyone that doesn't respect who I am or those around me. Or refuses to get the help they so desperately require for a peaceful life in their own right.

And, I am in a much better mental place - having more confidence, and more self-respect than I have in the past. Which makes it all the more reason to let them go.

It makes me sad to cut that person from my life. But, my life is too precious to continue dealing with a form of insanity that is so unhealthy for so many.

Eating clean and exercising has it benefits - I've lost a tremendous amount of weight in a short amount of time. But the other benefits of having a clearer mind and taking control of my life in all its forms - exercise, outlook, future - is a powerful thing. I see the damage that others can control if you allow them to. I do not allow that to be in my life or that of my daughter's any longer.

I cannot let them define me, confine me, or refine me as they have to another person so very dear to me for so long. It breaks my heart, but I must do what my dear one could never - I will leave them behind me and I choose to move on.

I just have to remember, it is not an act of cruelty. It's an act of self-love. And, in this case, self-preservation.