Theatre Diversity Confluence

"Some people commit their lives to this, and all they want to do is give you something special."

~ Chris Colgin, Riverfront Times

What a wonderful time in St. Louis theatre at the moment. What amazing talent resides in my hometown!

There was an article written by Chris Colgin in the Riverfront Times a while back, Hey, St. Louis: You're Missing Some Really Good Theatre. It spoke about the abundance of theatre in our town yet finding empty seats at performances.

And, I agreed when I read the article. Companies work so hard at putting their all, their best, their

heart into a production, yet only sell half the house of seats.  There are many things that take up our collective time: sports, family, life, laundry.  But, what is presented on stage is sometimes bigger than that. Yes, it mimics our lives, places a magnifying glass on moments, and sometimes gets too close to home. Our relationships. Our communities. Our history.

There are so many things circling around us right now in the country. So many "not-so-great" things. Things and people attacking the strength of our diversity. Not recognizing how, without diversity, we would not have a country. And, not realizing how we have treated others "not like us" has harmed us in so many hurtful, hateful ways.

I feel there is a confluence in St. Louis theatre right now. Two shows playing this weekend have shown on stage what it means to be a person of color or an immigrant. These shows have reflected how we have treated one another and how that treatment has magnified our lives in history. These shows have shown what it means when we search for home and acceptance.

A confluence of time. A confluence of history. A confluence of theatre.

"Ragtime" at Stray Dog Theatre has sold out every performance on their schedule! EVERY. PERFORMANCE.

It tells the story of three groups of people in 1920's America: an African-American musician, white upper-class suburbanite family, and Jewish immigrants. Each one finding their truth. Each one's lives colliding. And, each life affected by the acceptance or non-acceptance of the other.

Powerful and beautiful and heart-wrenching and truthful. And, still a reflection of our time now. How hatred for another due to the color of their skin and the struggle due to their background is palpable and difficult to watch. Painful. Powerful. Yet, beautifully portrayed by those on stage.

"In The Heights" with R-S Theatrics - of which I am an honored cast member - tells the story of LatinX immigrants. Their struggle for acceptance and the need to find a place in the world. Their story of family and of home. How our lives mesh with people of other ethnicities and colors. Their struggle to find a place for heritage to be included in their current existence.

And, I'm happy to say, this show is also selling out dates quickly. As of this writing, we have sold out most of the 9 shows and are trying to add a new date.

We have a story to tell that's relevant and timely.

So, is this due to the theatre community's strength in St. Louis? Or is it a reflection of our time in history now? What's happening around us.

I always say that theatre is a voice for the voiceless.  Our director says "if we can touch one person with our story, that one person can make a difference in someone else's life." The ripple effect sounds beautiful.

Yes, there seems to be a confluence in theatre right now as we provide a glimpse at our lives on stage. Stories of how we are and have been Americans together. Living together. Struggling together. Existing together. Hating each other. Killing each other. Calling each other names. Protesting our perceived importance or lack thereof in some cases. But finding solace together. Strength together. Future together. Even when it seems impossible. The different colors on stage are proof we can work toward a common goal of beauty.

No matter the reason, the result is the same for us in theatre. Each of the performers - all performers - want to bring truth to our characters, to the story.

Come experience truth. Talk to each other. Love each other. Find our common ground and common ancestry. Our common home.

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In The Heights runs August 18 - September 3 at the .Zack on Locust in the Grand Center Theatre District. Tickets can be purchased here.

Carmen Garcia writes about stuff... life as a single mother, dating, weight loss, performing, and other random experiences. Sometimes it makes sense. Other times, not so much. You decide.

Strong Latinx Women and the story of Home and Heritage

"As you begin to realize that every different type of music, everybody's individual music, has its own rhythm, life, language, and heritage, you realize how life changes, and you learn how to be more open and adaptive to what is around us."

Yo-Yo Ma

If you know me, you know I adore my kid! She's talented, bright, kind and way more mature than other kids her age. And, you'll also know that she carries the same gene I do... Theater!

We both adore performance. Music. Theatre. Singing. Give us a microphone! We'll find the spotlight. It's become our happy place.

It makes me so proud to know she loves it as much as I do. And, prouder to see how much she has grown into her craft. She is way better than I have ever been - and all at the young age of 16.

Gosh, I love my kid.

I have also been diligent at sharing our Mexican heritage with her. Make sure she knows where her grandparents came from. Make sure she is proud of her culture, the music, the food. But most importantly, her brown skin, her dark eyes, her curly hair.

Now image how proud and ecstatic I am for combining the two elements: Heritage and Theatre!

I mentioned that she was in a production of In The Heights with GCPA earlier this year. She played Nina and killed it!

I am privileged to now be in R-S Theatrics production of In The Heights (we open in a week) as Abuela Claudia. The best of all? She's working as an intern with the company and we will be sharing the stage as she has a cameo in the production!

She came up to me during one of the rehearsals, hugged me and said, "I'm so happy we are doing this together. I'm glad we are sharing a stage together in this show."

Yes. I shed a tear when she walked away. My heart was full.

I love sharing this experience with my daughter. I love that she gets to participate with a cast this diverse as we get to see brown and black and white faces come together so effortlessly. As though we all have been family for so long already.

But what's amazing...There are four sets of Latinx mother/daughter pairs in this production. FOUR!

1. Me, playing Abuela Claudia, and my lovely Isa, intern and cameo performer. 
2. Maritza Motto-Gonzalez, our Camila, and her amazingly talented daughter, Natasha Toro, as Vanessa. 
3. Cecily King, our genius choreographer and her wonderfully vivacious 5-year old daughter, who will also share the stage in a cameo. And, 
4. Our fearless, creative and talented director, Christina Rios, and her equally talented daughter, Sofia, both working behind the scenes.

Four Latina moms working along side our four Latina daughters.

Four moms sharing our heritage, our talents, our passion, our love with our younger selves.

And, I say "younger selves" because they are - a true manifestation of us at a younger age. Perhaps a better "us" - as in the case with me and my daughter - but each one of these fine young women/girls is a younger version of each of us women. A reflection of who we were perhaps. Of the promise of our future. A promise of our heritage alive in our time.

Each of us understanding how important this time, this musical, this production is for us, our families and our community.

Our daughters.

This musical is about family, home, heritage...the importance of sharing this with our younger selves is not lost on us.

And, at the end of the day, at the end of the show, at the end of the run, how proud we will be to have shared this experience with our children.

Come enjoy this experience with us. Bring your children and watch as generations of strong Latina women share the stage in this story of home.

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In The Heights runs August 18 - September 3 at the .Zack on Locust in the Grand Center Theatre District. Tickets can be purchased here.

Carmen Garcia writes about stuff... life as a single mother, dating, weight loss, performing, and other random experiences. Sometimes it makes sense. Other times, not so much. You decide.

If Not Us, Who?

"If Not Us, Who?"

~ Maritza Motta-Gonzalez 

What a thrill and honor - being in this production! We are in the final rehearsals for In The Heights with R-S Theatrics! We open to previews on August 17. That's a week from today!

Words can't express what a wonderful experience this has been.

First of all this cast is WICKED TALENTED!

Every. Single. Person.  I get chills listening to them sing and watching them perform... and this is only in rehearsal!

Secondly, and this may be the most important part, the director and majority of the cast are Latinx or people of color! The diversity is wonderful. And, I can't express how extremely proud I am to be included in this production, with this company, with this Latina director, with this diverse cast.

Ok, so a quick synopsis of the story: In The Heights, written by Lin Manuel-Miranda (you know... the guy that wrote Hamilton), explores three days in the characters' lives in a New York City Latino neighborhood of Washington Heights. Their dreams, goals, disappointments, love, loss, lives - all scored to salsa, merengue and hip-hop music - is on stage for everyone to see. It explores what we consider and call "home." Where is home? How do you know you are home?

It's beautiful, it's torment, it's painful, it's lovely, it's life.

What's cool is my daughter played the lead role in the youth theatre group, GCPA's, production of In The Heights. She was one of a couple of Latinx kids on stage. When auditions were announced for R-S Theatric's production, my daughter said, "Mom, you HAVE TO audition!" She didn't really give me a choice in the matter.

She continued, "how many Latinos do you think are going to audition? You have to be in that mix."

She had a point. (Sometimes it irks me that my 16 year-old is smarter than I am!)

I believe that the cast members feel the same way. Especially our brown and black cast members. Especially in our times. It's important to show our diversity. Important to show our culture. Share our music. Share our talents. Share our lives.

It's important for me to show my daughter how proud I am of having a heritage I can share. Proud of our dark skin. Dark hair. Of being who we are - Mexican-American.

When speaking about the cast and the audition process, our "Camila," Maritza Motto-Gonzalez said, "if not us, who?"  I have been away from theatre for a while now (over 20 years to be precise), so I didn't know how diverse the theatre community really was in St. Louis. Come to find out - it's not very. Martiza's words, my daughter's words were both said with determination and truth.

I was fortunate to have been interviewed by Nancy Fowler for St. Louis Public Radio regarding the show and was asked how our diversity was shown on stage. Did it mesh with what we saw in St. Louis? You'll have to come see the show (I really do hope I see a lot of my friends in the audience) but I believe you can see a microcosm of diversity as you do, say on Cherokee Street. In St. Ann. In Maryland Heights. In all those places where brown, black and white faces live in harmony. It's not perfect harmony sometimes, but we strive to be harmonious.

It certainly is on stage... harmonious, I mean. The sounds coming out of these people is astounding! The family that is being created on and off the stage. The feeling of home we are experiencing each time we enter our rehearsal space and when we gather outside of rehearsals.

The icing on the cake? This is a professional company. I can call myself a professional actress again... and it feels so wonderful.

This entire process feels so wonderful. This cast feels wonderful. This show feels wonderful.

Come feel wonderful with us.

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In The Heights runs August 18 - September 3 at the .Zack on Locust in the Grand Center Theatre District. Tickets can be purchased here.

Carmen Garcia writes about stuff... life as a single mother, dating, weight loss, performing, and other random experiences. Sometimes it makes sense. Other times, not so much. You decide.

Shiny...Shinier...SHINE

"Interesting what happens when you begin to SHINE."

~ Carmen 

I've mentioned to you about recent goals and having achieved a good number of them.

Many of them were around my health and activities. Although I still haven't gotten on a bike. But I'm working on that!

• Losing weight
• Exercising
• Eating for health
• Participating in a 5K per month

A series of goals were around performing - wonderful goals that I have achieved so far.

• Audition
• Return to the Stage
• Perform with a professional company again

Pretty cool stuff! And, that's only the start. I have scheduled more auditions and will see where those lead me.

But there are other goals that I have met that seemed a little more farfetched. Goals I didn't realize were important to me.

• Start dating
• Meet a man

And, boy did I date... online no less. Many of you enjoyed reading about my travails. All those stories of who/what I met online. I have to admit they were interesting. And, exhausting. And, frustrating. Annoying. Creepy.

I left the online dating scene for a while.  It really was just too much. I had to step away and take a break.

But, then something interesting happened. I spoke with my dear friend and coach and we delved more in to her SHINE program. I remembered how scared I was when I first started speaking about showing up rather than hiding.

You see, SHINE is an interesting principle where you take your strengths and shadows and meld them to find your unique brilliance.  Finding that inner uniqueness and using it to find what makes you tic. What makes you YOU! Shift how you see and believe in yourself. Find your courage and confidence to turn up the real you. And, to voice what it is you want in this world.

So, I showed up! I rewrote my profile and used intention this time. No marketing or selling of me, per se. But truly asking for what I was seeking. What I was looking for in a partner.

And guess what?

The very minute I pressed send on my new profile I found a match. It was almost scary. Surreal. This new man and I began chatting. We met for coffee. We went out to dinner. And, we've been seeing each other for a while now.

Without telling each other we removed our online profiles.

It just feels right.

My family and friends like him. More importantly, my daughter seems to like him.

And, I'm happy.

It's amazing what goals, intentions and SHINE can do! It's amazing what being in the moment, authentic, honest and vocal can do!

And, I'm not done!

Of course, now I have to make up my new set of goals! I've pretty much completed the last set.

It's an exciting time.

What shall I come up with next?

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Carmen Garcia writes about stuff... life as a single mother, dating, weight loss, performing, and other random experiences. Sometimes it makes sense. Other times, not so much. You decide.

Loss and Remembrance ... All Is Well

"All is Well..."

Tish Garcia Regan1966 - 2016

It has been a year, June 16, when we lost my sister to cancer.

One year without her. Without her laughter. Without her baked treats. Without her goofy movie quotes. Without her planning family celebrations. Without her loving spirit.

My baby sister planned a trip to come into town - not only to remember my sister but to also celebrate my young niece's 4th birthday. Yay for happy celebrations!

So a family dinner and then a larger family gathering on the anniversary weekend of her passing was planned.

My daughter and I conveniently decided to be away from everything. We agreed to be in performances that weekend. I know that my siblings and parents thought we were crazy. But, my sister's death was torture to my daughter. Being in her "happy place" knowing how much my sister loved watching her perform and had been her biggest cheerleader - well, it made sense to us.

As our group texts continued and we planned what and where we would do/serve/be for the weekend, I kept quiet. I would add a word or two about what food I could bring or what I could share. But I was quiet for the most part.

I didn't avoid the thoughts of my sister. I didn't avoid talking about her. My daughter and I just kept on with our days. I swear I feel as though Tish is still on vacation. Like I'll be sitting out back and see her walking through the common ground to our house.

I'm not trying to kid myself. I know she's gone. I guess I'm not really ready to give up her presence. Perhaps because if I stopped to think about her really being gone it would hit me harder. I want to continue to feel her around me, with me.

So a few nights before my baby sister was to come into town, after the plans were made of what we were going to do, and after I told everyone that my kiddo and I weren't going to be there, Tish came to me in a dream.

Now, I don't ever - and I mean EVER - remember my dreams. I know I do dream. I wake up and realize that I had dreamt. But, I can never remember what those dreams are. Maybe, if I'm lucky, I'll remember a person or a place. But, never the dream itself.

We were in the kitchen. Not sure who's. I was standing in front of my sister.  The "sick" version of Tish... buzzed salt and pepper hair after chemo, wearing that damned large denim button down shirt she always wore as a jacket, the tattered comfy tshirt she loved, and the same large sweatpants that had seen better days. She was talking to me. We were looking at each other. Eye to eye. It felt so real. I reached out to touch her. We may have hugged. I'm not sure because just at the time that I saw her I heard a voice calling me.

I turned around and there was my "healthy" Tish! Her beautiful long shiny black hair. Wearing her best outfit and lovely makeup. Her twinkling eyes met mine with such care and love. And there was her smile. Wide. Welcoming. Warm.

She was going to say something to me but I woke up! Damnit! I woke up!

I wanted to touch her. Hug her. Talk to her again.

I tried to fall back to sleep. She can't leave yet!

I wanted to remind her how much I loved her. Missed her.

But she didn't come back.

As I think back on that dream - and I have often - I feel as though she was telling me that she's ok.

To remember her as her healthiest, happiest version. To remember the force that was Tish.

That IS Tish.

I'm not sure if I have shared this before, but Tish died in my arms. I'm the one who told her it was ok to let go. I told her to go see our ancestors. We knew the time was near. Each of us went in to say our goodbyes. But she passed with me. In my arms.

I'd like to think she returned to tell me that she's OK now. To stop feeling guilty... because some days I do. But, I knew there was no fight left in her. She was suffering, in pain - so much pain.

I knew her time was close. I held her hand, whispered in her ear and gave her permission to leave this world. I also made promises at that moment that I haven't kept. However, I also know she realizes why I can't keep them for as much as I wanted to. Perhaps that where the guilt lies.

I love you so much, my little sister.

I miss you so much, my little sister.

I hope you come back and see me again, Tish. All is well...

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Carmen Garcia writes about stuff... life as a single mother, dating, weight loss, performing, and other random experiences. Sometimes it makes sense. Other times, not so much. You decide.

SHINE vs Failure

"The only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve; the fear of failure." 

~ Paulo Coelho

So, I'm going to let you in on a little secret...

I've stumbled. I've fallen. One year out and I'm having a hard time adjusting to my new found success.

Interesting how, just when you're doing so well, when you are making strides, when you feel like a million bucks, when you are actually manifesting what you had hoped to receive, life stops you dead in your tracks and makes you question everything.

Fear of success is a horrible thing.

Back in February I wrote about attending The Joy of Goals. I wrote flowery words about how wonderful it is to complete goals. I had crossed off so many of my goals. Life changing goals. Earth shattering goals. Big. Amazing. Goals.

It felt wonderful and fulfilling.

And messy.
And scary.
And suddenly stifling.

I told you about how I had also recognized my complacency... or what I thought was simply complacency and contentment.  I had wavered and stumbled. I stopped what I know was a key to success...jotting down what I eat, working out everyday, cutting out carbs. When I realized where I was with my new life, I started up again. Being conscience of what I was/or wasn't doing.

Until I didn't.

Why? What was going on in my head to cause me to stop eating right? Stop moving my body? Stop making strides toward my success, attention, happiness.

Success? Attention? Happiness? Do I deserve these wonderful feelings?

I talked this through with my dear friend and coach as I move through her leadership training called SHINE. I didn't even want to mention it to her at first, but so glad I finally fessed up. She asked me why I was afraid of success. Why am I afraid of attention? Of happiness?

She and I talked it through. I began to see what I was doing. And I cried.

I was fine being hidden. Didn't have to work at it. I just was. Hiding behind my weight. Hiding behind my daughter. I'm not saying I was happy, but I was hidden. See, even though my personality seems big and loud, I am not a big and loud person. Most people don't believe me when I say I'm actually an introvert. Hey, I'm an actress - I can play big when I have to.

Wait! That's right. I am an actress! When I stepped on stage again it was refreshing, renewing, rejuvenating. I LOVED it! I realized that's where I wanted to spend more time. My confidence grew. It was amazing.

My daughter and I went out soon after my performance and I was suddenly recognized by strangers for my role in the musical. It happened in many other settings too. It was just one performance, but threw me in a new line of sight. I'm doing more performing and gaining more attention. And, it's freaking scary! I didn't do much to attract this attention. It was just one musical. It was just one performance. What the heck was going on? What if I bomb the next show I'm in?!

And, I'm suddenly eating more. Craving more... food. Trying to hide again. Sabotaging my success.

I did attend my second Joy of Goals workshop a couple of months ago, but was unable to stay for the whole event. I didn't write down my goals and I never opened the book again after that day. BIG mistake.

I have to remember how horrible I felt being so big. I have to remember how horrible I felt being hidden away - it's much worse than being seen, even if being seen is scarier.

Because when I'm seen... What if I make a mistake. What if people don't like me anymore being my true self? What will happen if I shine and overshadow and move past this bump and truly succeed? Then what? I don't know who I am past where I am now. Not having succeeded, truly succeeded, in the past.

I love my dear friend/coach. But I'm also angry that so much emotion just came out this afternoon. I cried. I cried for what I have lost and for what I have gained. I cried that this is so tumultuous. I cried when I realized that I have always been scared of success and it has stopped me from doing so much more with my life.

And, I cried because I know what I now need to do. And how much work needs to be done. And, how much I realized that I deserve to succeed - in whatever form that is going to take.

She reminded me that we find evidence of what we believe. So I have to shift how I see and believe myself. My powerful, shining, talented self. I don't have to give up something to be successful. I have everything to gain!

Thank you my dear friend. Thank you for keeping me accountable to my truest self. Thank you for creating a safe space for me to find who I am and where I am going. Thank you for helping me find the infinite.

It is time to SHINE!

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Carmen Garcia writes about stuff... life as a single mother, dating, weight loss, performing, and other random experiences. Sometimes it makes sense. Other times, not so much. You decide.

Not Another Motorcycle! :: Or Online Dating...Sheesh The Finale

"If I have to see another motorcycle picture on a dating profile, I'm going to scream!"

~ Carmen

This online dating thing hasn't been going so well lately. It's nice out now and more and more people want to get out in the nice weather. And, so it seems, do single older men. With other single men... and their prize of a woman sitting behind them on their motorcycle. 

I have noticed that more and more profile photos are actually of a man's toys: motorcycles, muscle cars, their latest catch, their latest kill (what did that animal ever do to you?), their pets, or their boats. Sometimes the man's face is actually in the photo too. Most of the time not. Because, you know, I want to date a golden retriever on a boat with a dead animal in its mouth!

I understand midlife crisis'.  Truly I do. I've gone through my own - and believe I'm still going through it. However, midlife for me is more of a recognition of being who I am. Not replacing who I am with items. Or trying to replace my image with things that are believed to be desirable.  I'm not interested in your log cabin on 100 acres... that's just a little creepy really if that's where you want to take me!

There are also the men that have hit the gym... hard! And, the are very proud of their accomplishments, as they should be. But, enough with the sweaty, naked chest photos of you lifting heavy weights. Or doing the bodybuilding poses in your bathroom mirror. Or having a friend take photos of you doing pull-ups at the gym. I get it. You're strong and proud of your body. I'm happy for you. Really I am. I just feel you're trying too hard. And, not all women are in it for the body!

Just be yourself. Show me your kind eyes. Your warm smile. Sure, show me your motorcycle if you're on it and having fun. I'd love to see your pet - if you're sitting with it. Your kayak looks wonderful on the river while you were on a float trip.

I wonder what my photos are saying to prospective suitors. Me in the snow in Colorado. One hiking. Smiling. Being funny.

I think my time online dating is coming to a close. I want someone cerebral and loving. Soft and strong. I've met a couple, but they are few and far between. Not sure that is what I'm going to find online.

But that's ok. I've had fun meeting new people. Stretching my boundaries. Taking a leap of faith. And, that's good.

Just, if I have to see one more motorcycle.... oye!

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Carmen Garcia writes about stuff... life as a single mother, dating, weight loss, performing, and other random experiences. Sometimes it makes sense. Other times, not so much. You decide.