Goals...Joy

"A Goal is a Dream with a Deadline."
~ Napoleon Hill

A couple of years ago a friend invited me as her guest to attend a Joy of Goals workshop. A full-day workshop that helps you discover your goals, the importance of making a list of goals and how to motivate you to work toward them. The day was filled with energy of a room full of dreamers and goal setters.

The goals, we were told, could be smallish (I want to walk the dog more often) or large (I want to buy my dream home).  Nothing was off limits. Goals weren't necessarily things we would expect right away. We were offering these aspirations to the Universe to see what would be returned - some day. At least the goals would be "out there."

A couple of years ago I was in a much, much different place in my life. I was floundering. I can admit it now, perhaps because I wasn't really sure where I was at the time. Looking back, I know exactly where I was. After all, hindsight is 20/20. All I knew then was that I was lonely and out of place. I was also out of breath and my body hurt from being so immobile and I had uncontrolled diabetes. I was going to have spinal surgery and I was in pain.

So... I was not in the best space, to say the least.

But, there I was with a pen in hand, a Goals workbook in front of me and 101 lines I needed to fill. I thought they were crazy. Eh, I'll play along.

It took me a while to get started. It was difficult for me to even start - I really don't wish things for myself. I'm usually helping others fulfill their goals or dreams. What in the world could I really want or need? So, I started small.

• Eat healthy.
• Exercise more.
• Walk more.

They all seemed like good goals to pursue - after all, I was in bad shape. If I didn't want those things I'd be crazy, right? What else?

• Participate in a 5K.
• Lose weight.
• Join a gym.
• Clear my diabetes and high blood pressure.

Ok... safe, future thinking.

• Build my at-home business.
• Save money.
• Go to more concerts and plays with my daughter.
• Audition for a musical.

Sounded pretty good.  I kept going.

• Plan a vacation.
• Visit my sister in Colorado.
• Go hiking.
• Make more friends and cultivate existing ones.
• Take my daughter to Mexico.
• Visit New York and see some shows.
• Meet men.

WAIT! What?

• Get married.

WTF?
Where the hell did that come from?

I'm not kidding. I actually wrote that down. And it took me by such surprise I didn't even know it was my hand that wrote it. However, I remembered, these goals aren't meant to be immediate - I'm throwing it out to the Universe. I wasn't worried. The Universe never sent me many men to begin with, and certainly none I ever wanted to marry.

Fast forward to this past weekend.

I attended my second Joy of Goals workshop on the invitation of the organizer, wonderful woman and self-proclaimed "Dream Champion." She has so much enthusiasm and belief in setting and achieving goals that you believe you can achieve anything you set your mind to.

I very proudly told her that of all my dreams from the first workshop I had achieved many that I never thought were possible.

Yes...I have lost weight. I exercise every day. I go to the gym. I completed my first 5K. I eat very healthy now. My diabetes is gone. My blood pressure is normal. And, I have been dating. Marriage is SO not on the horizon, but I am making more friends and getting out more.

I'm in my first musical in over 20 years! How's that for a goal fulfilled?

So, what's on the latest goal list?
Zipling. Horseback riding. Maybe skydiving.

And, marriage? It made the list again. But I'm not sure that's exactly what I want really. I'm having too much fun completing the other goals on my list.

I can fit on a rollercoaster now, ya know. And, I'm training for my first 10K!

I like goals!

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Carmen Garcia writes about stuff... life as a single mother, dating, weight loss, performing, and other random experiences. Sometimes it makes sense. Other times, not so much. You decide.

Contentment

"Your only obligation in any lifetime is be true to yourself."
~ Richard Bach

I went out with a nice man the other night. During a conversation on politics he made a comment, "you don't have to agree with me." It made me pause for a moment and question myself and his statement. Am I agreeing with him? If so, why? To make a good impression? To be compliant? Hmmmm.

I know that my personality is normally to not make waves. But, I'm also opinionated. Yep, it's confusing. I always try to speak my truth - yet remain diplomatic. It's extremely difficult to walk that line, but folks seem to think I do a good job doing so.

However, when he made this statement I wondered how often I come across as inauthentic. How often do I swerve from my true self to make others comfortable, make me seem more agreeable or try to impress.

Trying to impress for an actress or singer is nothing new. But, as a person, in a personal setting...let's just say trying to impress doesn't go well sometimes. I seem to make a bigger fool of myself than remain my true-self.

As our world changes around us - so very quickly lately - I find I want to make more waves and not be so compliant. Not to make a good impression of myself, but impress on those around me how out of whack things have been getting. (If you follow politics you know what I'm talking about.)

I've been somewhat of a rebel most of my life. I never really liked people telling me what to do or what to say. That's probably why - much to my mother's chagrin - that I never really liked going to church. Or, enjoyed any religion for that matter. Don't tell me how to live my life, what to think, how to pray, or who I pray to! Which makes it surprising that I'm very comfortable taking direction from a director - but that's another story.  Anyway... Unfortunately, women have been told what to do their entire lives. Haven't they?

Men always made the rules. Men always had the power. It's gotten to the point where women aren't sure what they are supposed to do. And, when we see a woman exert her opinion, strength or power, she's a bitch or bossy.  So many women, when asked, voted how they voted or believed what they do because their husbands or fathers influenced their beliefs. In fact, women have been told what to do and say and think for such a long time that it's taken the world by surprise that we actually have a voice. We don't have to be seen as manipulative when trying to "get our way" anymore. Look at the sea of women with their pink pussy hats collectively exerting their voice in recent days. My sister and I were among those here in our hometown.

Any of my friends on Facebook know that I don't shy away from voicing my opinion anymore. And, as I told this nice man and others I have met along the dating journey of my life - I'm content with where I am and who I am at this point in my life. I don't necessarily need a man to "complete me" but certainly want the companionship of a partner.

I'm not out to impress... I like being true to my self. I want to impress others with my authentic me!

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Carmen Garcia writes about stuff... life as a single mother, dating, weight loss, performing, and other random experiences. Sometimes it makes sense. Other times, not so much. You decide.

Welcome 2017

Happy New Year! 
Happy New Me! 
Happy New Adventures!
And, Good Riddance to 2016
- Carmen


Last year was tough.

Let's put aside the election. And, all the celebrities we lost.

Our family lost an important part of us: my sister. Christmas was her favorite time of year. Let alone that her birthday falls smack in the middle of Christmas and New Years (she would have been 51) - the end of the year has always been one big celebration!  Her death was our first true loss and such a huge one at that.  So huge that a big part of our family decided to get away for the holidays. We took off to Colorado and invaded my baby sister's house.

I was anxious about going to Colorado for a few reasons. First, I was worried of my sarcoidosis. Sarcoidosis is an inflammatory disease that affects multiple organs in your body, but mostly the lungs and lymph glands (around the chest).  As you all know, we need our lungs at full capacity to breath - especially, in high altitudes. So, I was hesitant to go to the "mile-high State."

Second, I'm doing so well on my new lifestyle and eating habits. I haven't had much in terms of carbs - no bread, cookies, pastries - you know the stuff that surrounds you while on vacation during Christmas. And, I walk... at least a couple of miles a day. How was I going to get that in, let alone in the altitude?

I discovered a couple of things on our holiday in Colorado.

First. Sarcoidosis can Suck It! I went for a 2.5 mile walk on the trails behind my sister's house in Highland Ranch. Most. Every. Day.

The mountains! The fresh air! How refreshing to be able to go walk in such a serene setting. But... DAMN! those hills! You know what? I did it! I didn't walk every day - we were busy going to and from great adventures, but I did walk most days.

And, carbs? I discovered that carbs won't kill me. Yes I had a cookie (or two) and a piece of bread (or two), but I'm still standing. And, I also had a glass of wine (or two). It's all good. At home I'm back to how I ate before - very limited to no carbs. I like it better that way. No bloating.

We also went for a hike... Up big steep climbs. And, I climbed up a rock and walked through the brush and did things I hadn't done in a long, long time. And, did them with relative ease.

We even went to one of the highest locations in Denver to go skiing - well, I didn't ski (my knees wouldn't put up with it). But, I was there. And, I was walking around and I was outside in the cold air and I was having fun!

I was having fun!  Being physical. Outdoors. Me.

At one point in my life - like early last year - I wouldn't have even thought I would be having so much fun going for a long walk. Thinking of hiking over a mile (heck, I wouldn't even think of walking to get the mail!). But that's me now!

I completed my first 5K in December. The Hot Chocolate Run! And, now I'm hooked.  I've signed up for a 5K each month! That should keep me busy for a while! Thank heaven for my darling niece and Goddaughter for joining me on these 5K adventures!

I hope to work my way up to a 10K by October!  Eek!
I'm starting Cross Fit at the end of the month and will try my hand at aerial Pilates! What?! As my BFF has asked - Who ARE You?!

Add to all that wonderful schtuff... I have been cast in my first musical in over 20 years!  That's right! I'm taking the stage again.  My daughter is no longer the only thespian in the house. Of course, she's in two musicals simultaneously, but more on that later.

I'm in one. It ShouldA Been You with Take Two Productions. And, it's more than enough for me. We begin rehearsing next week!

Crazy.

And, now for the final thought for this year's first blog post... I'm down 90 pounds.  Yep! I can't believe it either.

I'm grateful you have been with me on this journey.  You guys help keep me focused. You guys help keep me honest. You guys help keep me going.

Thanks for reading.  Thanks for listening and thanks for being there for me.

Here's to a wonderful and active 2017!

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Carmen Garcia writes about stuff... life as a single mother, dating, weight loss, performing, and other random experiences. Sometimes it makes sense. Other times, not so much. You decide.

Am I Normal?

"If you're always trying to be normal, you'll never know how amazing you can be."

~ Maya Angelou

Wow... I was going to name this post "Online Dating, Part Whatever it is" but it's more than that really. Maybe it should be "Dating While Normal."

I've gone out on a few "meets" now - they aren't really dates, because these are more like meeting to see if you want to date. And, there's one thing I have found, I am a lot more normal than I thought I was.

I was reviewing my "meets" with a close friend and the more I described these meets the more I realized that there are a lot of interesting men out there. And by "interesting" I mean weird.

Now, I'm not a bad conversationalist. I'm a better listener, but I can hold my own during a conversation. Unfortunately, a lot of these men don't know how to communicate. It ends up being like an interview with me playing the hiring manager.

What activities do you enjoy? How often do you do them? Where have you vacationed? Do you like music? What type of music do you listen to? Really, you like dogs? Do you have any?

I don't believe I asked about your ex, so no, I really don't want to hear about your ex-wife - the entire evening!

It's exhausting.

And, then we have the man who said we didn't have any "spark" - I'm good with that. It's all good, we won't have a spark with everyone we meet. Truthfully, I didn't feel much of a connection either, but was willing to go out again. That first meeting is always difficult. So, no big deal, right?

Except, he keeps texting me that it's him, not me. That the distance was the issue. That he really wanted it to work, but he's sorry that it didn't. He would text me advice on how I could make my first meet with others better...because, you know, those men online are all alike and he was an expert.

It's okay, dude.  I'm perfectly ok. It's all good.  I'm not kidding.

He thought that I was just too passionate.  I'm Latina - I'm passionate. Deal.

But, he texted again, if we haven't found anybody in three months we could have sex.

Wait, what? Oh, hell no!

I have a few more dates lined up. One sounds promising. We'll see if he's close to being my level of normal. I can't be the only normal one out there!

Oh, gosh, at least I hope not!

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Carmen Garcia writes about stuff... life as a single mother, dating, weight loss, performing, and other random experiences. Sometimes it makes sense. Other times, not so much. You decide.

Online Dating...Sheesh Part 3

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." 

- Groucho Marx

I have come to the realization that men online truly enjoy playing darts. It's not necessarily in their description - dart playing - but they do.  Throwing their darts hither and yon trying to hit a bullseye whenever and where ever they can.

And, by darts, I mean their penis.

Now, I realize that dating and their sexual needs are different for men. Their {{ahem}} urges are right out there.  And, I can try to understand that if you've been searching online for a while and when you do actually see a woman in person, it can be overwhelming. I think.

I didn't say I did understand...just that I could try.  I couldn't.

But gracious! the number of men that I have been propositioned by online are endless. I may be a bit cute, but really...I'm not that gorgeous, beautiful, striking, or whatever other description they want to use to get my attention. Ok, maybe that doesn't get old, but you know what I mean.

And, if I'm called "dear" one more time! Ugh.

Stop telling me how kissable my lips are. Stop telling me that you could get lost in my eyes. Meet me in person first and lets see what we think.

Of course, I also get those men that think they are god's gift. Talk about playing darts.  That's all they want to do.

They want to send me pictures of their pecks, their six-pack, their... um, dart! They have told me about all the dart games they have played, like that is going to make me say, "break me off a piece of that!" I ask, if you're so wonderful and good looking and so good at hitting the bullseye, why are you online dating? I mean, what's really wrong with you?

I'm also asked if I would like to be friends with benefits. Could be a good option, but doesn't that mean we have to be friends first? Put that dart away. I'm not in to playing games.

I have been on a couple of meetings - not sure I can call them dates. One man was a year or two older than I. He was a sweet gentleman when we met. You could tell he was nervous, which made me try to be more calm to offset it. We had coffee, put his coat around my shoulders when I was cold, asked permission to give me a kiss at the end of the night. He talked about what he would like to do for our first date and wanted to be sure it was something I would enjoy. We talked for a good three hours through coffee then wine. We talked easily about work, children, his grand kids. He texted me making sure I got home safe. Texted about how great it was to meet me and how he couldn't wait for our date.......... then I never heard from him again. Nothing. Nada. Crickets.

Um, hello?

Of course, then I met a couple of men that as we are messaging back and forth come to realize that they just won't be able to meet my expectations. I get "your so much more sophisticated than me." Or, "you like all that fancy music, I don't think you'll like me because I like country." Or, some other nonsense. "I'm a simple man." That's always a good retort. Ok, my profile has all the music I enjoy and activities I enjoy and all that "sophisticated stuff" that I enjoy. Did you even read what I wrote before connecting with me?

I told myself to hold on until after the new year. I've only be online about 3 weeks. I just don't know how much longer I can put up with this - whatever this is - because it's not "dating."  I was supposed to have met a man last night and he messaged me and chickened out. That's ok I told him. Would you like to reschedule? "No," he tells me, "I don't think I'm ready for you."

Ready for me?

Ready for me?

Ready for me?

I don't get it.

Ready for me as a woman? Ready for me as a new acquaintance? Ready to date? Ready to shower and get out of the house? Ready to remove yourself from behind the computer and go in to the real world where you actually have to socialize and not pretend to be someone you're not so that you can attract people you don't know? Which one?

It was for a drink! We weren't going to get married! No commitment here. Sheesh!

But I guess it did save me an evening. Whatever!

A dear friend says that I need to remain Authentic.  Thank goodness I continue to try, even while online.  Even if I feel uncomfortable sometimes. Even if I get nervous. Because if they can't handle me online, goodness help them when we meet in person!

Another friend told me that I'm better than online dating.

I'm starting to believe her.

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Carmen Garcia writes about stuff... life as a single mother, dating, weight loss, performing, and other random experiences. Sometimes it makes sense. Other times, not so much. You decide.

Online Dating ...Sheesh Part 2

"Oh Lord Help Me!"

~ Carmen

So I've been online dating for a week. Seven days. Monday through Sunday. One full week.  I emphasize the length of time because I have been overwhelmed by fellow online daters wanting to make a connection. Within this time frame I have been inundated with men (at least that what they say they are) that want to meet me. 

And, boy do we have a plethora of characters reaching out to make a "deeper connection" online. 

One went right to the point of messaging me that he wanted to "please and be pleased." Um.... Excuse me? You don't even have a profile picture! I don't care if you say you have a PhD! Are you kidding? 

Next.

Another started off his message with "I didn't realize angels walked on this earth." I really was hoping that I didn't have to deal with cheesy opening lines - now I'm having them messaged to me! Ugh!

Next.

A guy asks, "I love coffee, do you like younger men?" I'm sorry, what? 

Oh please...next!

This gorgeous man (according to his profile pictures) that tells me he's looking for friends. Wonderful, I thought!  Me too!  Great, he responds. How about friends with benefits? WHAT?

Lord! Next!

Then there's the guy that immediately started calling me "my dearest."  "Good morning my dearest." "How is your day, my dearest?" "I'm thinking about you, my dearest." Followed with kiss, heart and rose emojis. For Heaven Sakes!!!  {{{shudder}}} 

Of course, there are all the men that sent a little "meet me" check mark - they don't even try! No message, just a little announcement via the app that says they want to meet me... Most have pictures, many don't. 

I took a deep breath. 

Picked the lesser of all the evils and took a leap. And, as he was the first to ask if we could meet - without the little app - I figured, let's do this. Get the first one out the way. Like a bandaid. 

I know, I know... not the best way to start this endeavor. 

I wasn't looking for anything promising really, anyway. Is it too much to ask for someone to use proper grammar and punctuation? Please no texting shortcuts in an email type message. Oy! Please try a little - a little effort. That's not too much to ask for, is it? 

A friend suggested we speak on the phone first. So we did.  

Oh. My. God.

Not the sharpest tool in the shed. We didn't meet. I just couldn't.

I'm not seeking an Adonis. I'm not seeking a genius. A gentleman, trusting, honest and loving. I would love kind eyes. Someone to have a decent conversation with over a cup of coffee or a glass of wine. 

There's a guy in Denver that has started messaging me. He's the most decent so far. We'll see what happens.

Maybe being single isn't so bad. 

Lord, help me!

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Carmen Garcia writes about stuff... life as a single mother, dating, weight loss, performing, and other random experiences. Sometimes it makes sense. Other times, not so much. You decide.

Dating Profiles - Sheesh!

"I want to be as beautiful as I can be - to myself first. Then to whomever has the sense to see me."
- Maya Angelou

So enough of the procrastinating already! It's been a while since I even mentioned the idea of joining Match.com. Every time we see a commercial for that dating service my daughter will remind me that I said I had a (small, minuscule) interest in joining. "When are you going to do it, mom?" "You said you were going to do it."

Sheesh. Why do I even talk to the kid?

Fine. I started looking in to different dating websites and apps. I asked around and got other women's opinions. And, I finally settled on one. Now, comes the fun part. Entering a description of my soul to entice others to want to click on my profile.

Gotta be honest. Not as fun as I thought it would be. I'm having a hard enough time trying to figure out who I am for myself, let alone who I am to market myself to others. Not to mention that I hate being judged.

After entering the usual - Female seeking Male, Age, Height, and such - I'm staring at the question of size. I'm not athletic. I could be considered Average. I do have a "little extra weight." Am I still BBW (Big Beautiful Woman) - which is shorthand for fat? I stared at my screen for a while on that question. Let's just skip it and come back.

Ok.

What's one word to describe you? Am I Artsy? Adventurous?  Ugh. Next question.

Do you smoke?  No.
Do you want children? No.
Do you own a car?  Yes. But why in the world would you want to know that? And, why do I have an option to "prefer not to respond" to that question?

Even though I have worked in marketing, this marketing of myself seems so odd and foreign to me.

Yes, my parents are living. Yes, they are still married. Yes, they had children. Five of them and I'm the oldest.

Weird. So very weird.

Offer a headline to your profile (ex; You looking for me?) Really? That's the example? "Come on, let's give this a whirl," and "What do you have to lose?" Came to mind.

Ok, let's come back to this one too.

Your First Date. Um, what? It says that the longer my description of a first date, the more likely it will get responses. Well, ok. Can't we just talk? My description isn't going to be that long. Conversation, perhaps over coffee? Done.

But the real kicker and the place where I have gotten stuck the most is in describing me. The site says that people will read both my profile and message when deciding if they should write back. It will be their first impression of me...Talk about myself, it says. My hobbies, my likes, my goals and aspirations. What makes me unique.

What do I say? I want to appear witty. Smart.

I want to be interesting. But I can't find the words. I want to be funny, but everything sounds stale. And it dawns on me - I'm not really all that interesting, am I?

I sought the help of a friend who has gone the dating site route before and she said I should stop "trying and just be."  Be what? I haven't been fit for human consumption for such a long time that I had to take myself off the shelf. Repackaging seems to be working, but the inside is the same. It's old and mushy and confused and scared.

Just be.

Gosh, I don't know how to talk to men anymore. Do I try to impress? Or be?

Writing should be easier, but I feel like I'm about to bait and switch someone once they meet me in person.

My friend suggested that I sleep on it and then write down the first thing that comes to me in the morning when my head is clearer. Problem. I didn't think of anything in the morning.

So, maybe I'm not as ready as I thought I was for this. I think I'll wait for a little while longer until I can find words to describe me.

What would you say? I'd love to know what you think. You'll be like my focus group. Tell me a word that helps describe me to you.

Better yet, do you know any single men that may want to have coffee with a not so BBW, working on athletic, kinda average, short Latina with a slight sense of humor? It would be better than a dating app anyway.

Let's see what comes to mind in the morning.

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Carmen Garcia writes about stuff... life as a single mother, dating, weight loss, performing, and other random experiences. Sometimes it makes sense. Other times, not so much. You decide.